http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100409/ap_on_re_us/us_sex_ed_wisconsin Next on the list: Readin’, ‘Ritin’, and ‘Rithmetic. Thems is a paddlin’.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100410/ap_on_go_su_co/us_supreme_court_stevens I believe this “whale of a fight” that’s being referred to will actually involve crying while eating. Namely: The Big Mac and 9 Quarter Pounders.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100407/sp_nm/us_golf_masters_woods_payne Seething venomous rage released at a press conference, Bill Payne tearfully laments that Tiger Woods didn’t pick him as his first mistress. Wild rumors circulate that Tiger Woods will soon be changing his first name to Cheetah.

http://www.cnn.com/2010/US/04/10/circus.worker.elephant/index.html?hpt=T2 Just moments before his death, the trainer was overheard saying, “Ok, Pickles, I need you to turn your head to the side and cough.”