After building up a considerable amount of excitement, I finally watched the film “Watchmen.”
This viewing experience continues my recent trend of watching highly acclaimed films that are adaptations of beloved books, which I have not read. Recently, I indulged in “Twilight,” “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone,” and now “Watchmen.”
I have to admit that “Watchmen” was the most disappointing of the three. I’m not sure if it was due to poor filmmaking or the intricate storyline, but I found myself feeling lost for a significant portion of the film.
The story is set in an alternate 1985 where retired superheroes exist. The murder of a fellow vigilante, The Comedian, sets off an investigation led by the relentless Rorschach. Through his relentless pursuit of the truth, Rorschach uncovers information that could change the course of history.
Sounds intriguing, right? That’s what I thought, but I was mistaken.
The director’s cut of the film runs a lengthy 186 minutes, which is simply too long.
It just kept dragging on and on. It reached a point where I began to question whether I had died and this seemingly never-ending film was my personal purgatory.
The film is narrated by Rorschach, portrayed by Jackie Earle Haley, a gravel-voiced vigilante on a quest to find The Comedian’s killer. His monotonous ramblings became so tiresome that I started to create my own dialogue in Rorschach’s gravelly voice. “I’m walking down the street, it’s dark, and I’m feeling a bit hungry. I think I’ll stop by the market and grab a Snickers. I like Snickers; they have peanuts. Peanuts are crunchy, but you shouldn’t eat them if you’re allergic. Your throat might close up, and you’ll die. Die a terrible death, just like The Comedian.” Trust me, my improvised dialogue fit right in after a while.
Aside from the irritating narration, the film failed to capture the essence of a comic book adaptation. I don’t know if we have been spoiled by films like “Iron Man” and “The Dark Knight,” but “Watchmen” felt strangely flat and cartoonish. It lacked that epic, immersive quality that transports you to another world, a world we should be transported to in order to become fully engaged, rather than just watching adults prance around in goofy costumes.
Furthermore, the effects felt amateurish, obvious, and often jolted me out of the story. I couldn’t help but wonder how much time was spent perfecting the fake blood and devising new ways to make it spurt farther and farther. Did someone receive a blood spattering kit as a Christmas gift? Way too much gushing blood!
The casting was another source of frustration. I’m sure Malin Akerman (Laurie Jupiter/Silk Spectre II), Matthew Goode (Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias), and Patrick Wilson (Dan Dreiberg/Night Owl II) are lovely individuals, but they come across as ridiculous superheroes.
However, they can’t shoulder all the blame, as the characters and writing are equally ridiculous. Dan/Night Owl II is painfully nerdy to the point where he can’t even make his “little owl” give a “hoot,” unless he is fully dressed as Night Owl and saving people. The awkwardly executed intimate scene between Night Owl II and Silk Spectre II is so clumsily handled that it elicits full-on laughter.
Moving on, let’s discuss Dr. Manhattan, portrayed by Billy Crudup, who glides through scenes as a nude, electric-blue, otherworldly being. Crudup’s voice work is commendable, but the character and storyline are bizarre. Dr. Manhattan is a self-centered lover who remains painfully rational, even in the face of outrageous tragedies.
It’s this excessive rationality that frustrated me the most. The entire film builds up to what is typically a climactic, fierce battle between good and evil. However, this film chooses to abandon the intense battle and instead replaces it with a lackluster resolution of “You’re right. Well said. Let’s go.”
Are you kidding me with this storyline? Either it strayed drastically from the graphic novel or the story simply fails to translate effectively to the big screen.
In summary, this film is an utterly disappointing waste of time. The only saving grace was Jeffrey Dean Morgan, despite his portrayal of a moody and unpleasant character.
Manuel Marino is a seasoned Senior Producer, Music Composer, and Artist with over a decade of experience. He specializes in branded entertainment across various mediums, including video games, films, and advertising campaigns. With 20+ years as a game music composer, Manuel has worked on numerous platforms, creating diverse orchestral soundtracks. HIRE ME